My relationship is based on lies secrets

Deception and the Destruction of Your Relationship

my relationship is based on lies secrets

Their relationship was not built on integrity, and therefore will not survive.” or not you're keeping that communication secret from your current partner. “One of the small lies that comes up most often in my work is the. The betrayal of trust brought about by a partner's secret involvement with An ideal relationship is built on trust, openness, mutual respect and personal .. So, my lies and deception were there all along before him and now after him. Lies and secrets damage us and our relationships. Intimacy is based on trust and authenticity — the ability to be vulnerable or “naked,” not.

When we treat our partners with respect and honesty, we are true not only to them but to ourselves. We can make decisions about our lives and our actions without compromising our integrity or acting on a sense of guilt or obligation.

When we restrict our partners, we can compromise their sense of vitality, and we inadvertently set the stage for deception. The more open we are with each other, the cleaner and more resilient our relationships become. Conversely, the more comfortable we become with keeping secrets, the more likely we become to tell bigger and bigger lies.

my relationship is based on lies secrets

When an affair occurs, denial is an act of deception that works to preserve the fantasy that everything is okay. Admitting that something is not okay or that you are looking for something outside the relationship is information that your partner deserves to know.

The Impact of Secrets and Lies in a Relationship: A Closer Look

Emotions sprung from deception like suspicion and anger can tear a relationship apart, but more importantly they can truly hurt another person by shattering their sense of truth. Relationships are contingent on honesty and openness. They are built and maintained through our faith that we can believe what we are being told. However painful it is for a betrayed spouse to discover a trail of sexual encounters or emotional attachments, the lying and deception are the most appalling violations.

An ideal relationship is built on trust, openness, mutual respect and personal freedom.

my relationship is based on lies secrets

But real freedom comes with making a choice, not just about who we are with but how we will treat that person. Choosing to be honest with a partner every day is what keeps love real. So while freedom to choose is a vital aspect of any healthy and honest union, deception is the third party that should never be welcome in a relationship.

Relationships: Keeping secrets from your partner Part 1

About the Author Lisa Firestone, Ph. An accomplished and much requested lecturer, Dr. Firestone speaks at national and international conferences in the areas of couple relations, parenting, and suicide and violence prevention.

When one of those people is a spouse or partner — we not only wonder why, we wonder how it jeopardizes that relationship. Secrets Realistically, no relationship involves full disclosure at all times. One definite way to destroy a relationship and dilute passion is to demand constant connection, disclosure and no space away from your partner. No one fantasizes about someone who never leaves his or her side.

Strong couples are usually are made up of independent people who are comfortable being dependent on each other but retain a clear sense of self and identity.

The Impact of Secrets and Lies in a Relationship: A Closer Look | Healing Together for Couples

Whether you have a hamburger at work or get a pedicure at lunchtime, it is probably not necessary that such events be shared. The fact that you thought the woman on the coffee line looked great or you secretly hate the holidays may or may not matter. A measure of whether you are doing something that will jeopardize your relationship is whether or not you need to keep it secret from your partner. Reasons for Secrets There are many feelings that prompt the keeping of a secret from a partner.

my relationship is based on lies secrets

Secrets depend upon the nature and trust in the relationship and the personalities of the partners. If a marriage is demanding and authoritative, fear of judgment or anger for everything from going out with friends to spending too much on groceries may be kept secret.

6 Ways Secrets Are Toxic to Your Relationship | HuffPost

If a partner feels shame or self-blame for addictive behavior, misfortunes like the loss of a job or even fear of medical results, secrets might be kept. In the case of interest in someone outside the relationship, secrets are often driven by the fantasy, flirtation or wish for something that is not happening in the relationship. Often there is the illusion of having a marriage and a secret relationship. While differing in rationale and threat to the integrity to a relationship, the problem with secrets is they disqualify authenticity with a partner and preclude discussion or resolution of feelings or issues.

The existence of a secret relationship is incompatible with commitment to a partner.

  • 6 Ways Secrets Are Toxic to Your Relationship
  • Can a relationship based on a foundation of lies and deceit last?

Self-Reflection on Secrets Recognizing the realistic need for separate space with partners, it is worth reflecting on the reason you may be keeping something secret from your partner. Are you adjusting to rigid demands? Are you hiding with fear?

my relationship is based on lies secrets

Are you acting out anger? Are you getting the attention that is missing with your partner?