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The motives and reasons of the heart are unfathomable, writes Carson McCullers: The most outlandish people can be the stimulus for love. The preacher may love a fallen woman. The beloved may be treacherous, greasy-headed, and given to evil habits.
Yes, and the lover may see this as clearly as anyone else — but that does not affect the evolution of his love one whit. It is for this reason that most of us would rather love than be loved. Almost everyone wants to be the lover. And the curt truth is that, in a deep secret way, the state of being beloved is intolerable to many.From Conditional to Unconditional Love
Couples experience this most frequently when falling in love. It also happens when someone fearlessly opens up to us in an intimate setting.
This allows energy to flow into places of resistance that surround our heart and can be deeply healing. It can happen during moments of vulnerability during therapy. We all have our preferences, idiosyncrasies, and particular tastes and needs, which have been conditioned by our upbringing, religion, society, and experiences. They match up with ours and give us comfort, companionship, and pleasure.
The combination of both forms of love in one relationship makes our attraction intense. Frequently, people tend to confuse the two.
This can be helped in marriage counseling when individuals learn empathy and the language of intimacy. On the other hand, some couples fight all the time, but stay together because they share a deep, unconditional love for each other. In couples counseling, they can learn to communicate in healthier, non-defensive ways that allow their love to flow. Other times, the problems in the relationship concern basic values or needs, and the couple, or one partner, decides to separate despite their love.
Closing our heart in self-protection only hurts us. It limits our joy and aliveness.
Unconditional love - Wikipedia
Dating Dating stirs up unrealistic hopes of finding constant, unconditional love. Or, unconditional love may naturally arise early on, but then we wonder if we can live with the other person day in and day out. The reverse can happen, too. Sometimes, during the romantic phase of love, people commit to marriage, not knowing their partner well.
It might seem so, because the conditional and unconditional rarely overlap. It is even more problematic to accept love when one does receive it. Partners feel lonely and disconnected from each other, even if the marriage looks good to others. Actually, striving after it removes us from the experience.
He believes that we can glimpse it through mindfulness meditation. By observing our breath, we become more present and can appreciate our basic goodness.
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In mediation and in therapy, we find those places we choose to hide from ourselves and others. In trying to reform ourselves, we necessarily create inner conflict, which alienates us from our true self and self-acceptance. Then the puppy urinates on the floor. The owner does not stop loving the puppy, but needs to modify the behavior through training and education.
Humanistic psychology[ edit ] Humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers spoke of an unconditional positive regard and dedication towards one single support. Rogers stated that the individual needed an environment that provided them with genuineness, authenticity, openness, self-disclosure, acceptance, empathyand approval.
Frankl writes, "Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality.
No one can become fully aware of the essence of another human being unless he loves him. Neurological basis[ edit ] There has been some evidence to support a neural basis for unconditional love, showing that it stands apart from other types of love. In a study conducted by Mario Beauregard and his colleagues, using an fMRI procedure, they studied the brain imaging of participants who were shown different sets of images either referring to "maternal love" unconditional love or "romantic love".
Seven areas of the brain became active when these participants called to mind feelings of unconditional love. Three of these were similar to areas that became active when it came to romantic love. The other four active parts were different, showing certain brain regions associated with rewarding aspects, pleasurable non sexual feelings, and human maternal behaviors are activated during the unconditional love portions of the experiment.
Through the associations made between the different regions, results show that the feeling of love for someone without the need of being rewarded is different from the feeling of romantic love. Using the fMRI procedure, mothers watched a video of them playing with their children in a familiar environment, like home. The procedure found part of the amygdala and nucleus accumbens were responsive on levels of emotion and empathy.
Emotion and empathy compassion are descriptives of lovetherefore it supports the idea that the neural occurrences are evidence of unconditional love.
The term is not explicitly used in the Bible and advocates for God's conditional or unconditional love, using different passages or interpretations to support their point of view, are both encountered. The civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr.
There is then that postcondition of actually accepting that Grace. The two together are not fundamentally different from psychology's unconditional positive regard with the added proviso that some actions are inherently flawed and that only God knows the true nature and consequence of our actions.
Whereas psychology's unconditional positive regard allows one to fail utterly since the psychologist can not demand that we take care of the whole world since he has no fundamentally better idea of how to do that than the patient.
The consequence is that we need to be in a relationship with God who does know how. However, this view is not particularly supported by scriptures found in the Bible. Jesus himself said that receiving his love is based on condition, specifically the condition of following his commandments example at John chapter 15 verses 10 and Other conditions are found throughout the Bible.
Buddhism[ edit ] In Buddhism one of the most important concepts is called Bodhicitta. There are two kinds of Bodhicitta. They are Relative and Absolute Bodhicittta. In Relative Bodhicitta one learns about the desire to gain the understanding of unconditional love, which in Buddhism is expressed as Loving-Kindness and Compassion.
The point is to develop Bodhicitta for all living sentient beings.