Why Men/Women Play Hot & Cold in Relationships – How to Defeat a Narcissist
I've been seeing my current boyfriend for 3 months. We met on an online dating site. But I'm wondering if our relationship is “hot and cold” because I often feel. Video Summary. In this video, relationship expert Susan Winter talks about how some guys are 'hot and cold players', and how you can spot. The only place where hot and cold behavior is fun is in that Katy Perry song. It's not satisfying enough for these guys to get with you and enjoy a relationship.
The Dating Game of Hot and Cold
The guy has gone into a cold cycle. You;re now being ignored, and you think that is something that you have done, so you probably start to obsess over him, and want him all the more. Chances are you will chase him a little at this point and it might even bring out the worst in you but then finally, you realise that this is just not happening and you begin to move on with your life.
This is when he slaps you with the next cycle. Cycle 3, which is where the cycle begins all over again. As soon as he realizes that you are not contacting him and you appear to have moved on with your life, he will suddenly appear from out of nowhere, and say hey, how are you doing, fancy meeting up sometime?
This can be really confusing, and because you thought that you did something wrong, you might be tempted to meet up with him.
Be wary of this - often guys like this simply keep repeating the cycle, and so unless you want to keep going round and round like this, you're probably best off out of it. A guy who is programed to behave like this does so because they want to keep themselves safe, and they do not want to be vulnerable and have a relationship.
If you are looking for a relationship, you need to get out of whatever it is that you have going on with this hot and cold player. Then back off and let him go. Of course, he might possibly chase you - this is because a hot and cold player enjoys the thrill of the chase as it makes him feel powerful.
They're not sorting out their last breakup, and they're not swamped at work.
Although that may be your hope, it's not the case. And it's crafted for control. The phases of Hot and Cold: The "hot" phase begins with a bang of overwhelming recognition. Your partner has placed you firmly on their radar. Bathed in newfound attention, flattery and flirtation spark a strong attraction for this person.
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You quickly find yourself craving more of this delicious new feeling. This phase lures you into the hopes of the possibility of romance.What To Do When A Guy Is Playing Hot And Cold?
Contact is reciprocal, time is made to see each other, and forward movement is evident. There's an easy, open connection. The hot phase is designed to get you in the gate that leads to the corral, where you'll later be harnessed.
Then comes the "cold" phase.
Your partner begins to pull away making you long for their previous attention. Whether initiated by a cold-shoulder, avoidance, or lack of communication This phase activates loss, making you yearn for them and wait with bated breath for their call or text. You wonder what happened and begin to question every move you made. Without realizing it, you've submitted to their need for emotional and psychological control. These are the basic dance steps to this type of behavior.
Each step is a phase, and each phase has a cycle.
The Hot and Cold Guy: Why Is He Hot and Cold (And What to Do About It)
This formula is predictable and consistent even when your partner's reactions are not. Simply put, when you pull away, they'll re-engage you.
When you advance, they'll pull away. After a cycle or two of this routine you'll be so confused you won't know which way to move. The pattern repeats itself for as long as you're willing to play this game.
The beautiful truth is that this has nothing to do with you. You're not at fault. There's nothing you did, or didn't do, that's causing this. Don't let your friends analyze your situation and convince you otherwise. Just notice where you are in the cycle and don't let it disempower you.
Understanding what comes next puts you back in control of your own reactions. There's a marked difference between a relationship hiccup and the game of hot and cold.
Relationship hiccups occur because your partner is emotionally invested, but scared. There's open communication about their fear.
Once stated, the hot phase normally reboots and continues with forward movement. A hot and cold player reverts to cold as the norm, with bursts of hot that don't result in forward movement. The root cause of this behavior is a desperate attempt to gain control over the uncontrollable; love.
It's a way to feel love without getting hurt. But the partner, who's committed to playing safe, will never allow himself or herself to experience love. They'll toy at it, dipping their toes in and out of the water without ever getting wet.
The cycles of hot and cold may make you feel like the powerless one. It appears as though as though your partner has all the strength.